38 Spoilers For Season 2 of ‘True Blood’
by Dufrene Party of Two
Summary: This is not intended to be serious in any way, shape or form. I have no inside knowledge about Season 2 or True Blood. Any similarities between this list and the show is purely coincidental… and highly unlikely.


**38 Spoilers For Season 2 of 'True Blood':**

1. The Fellowship of the Sun will barbecue a vampire and comment on how it tastes like chicken.  
2. Bill will be turned into a leprechaun and bite anyone who comes near his pot of gold.  
3. Jason will sprout a third limb and join the circus.  
4. Sookie will go bald and acquire a lisp.  
5. Sam will fall madly in love with a werewolf and dance naked in the forest with Andy in celebration.  
6. Lafayette does not die, but becomes convinced he is a mermaid and flies to Scotland to swim with the Loch Ness monster.  
7. Tara becomes a kindergarten teacher.  
8. Lettie Mae will head the atheist movement and marry that banker she tried to seduce when she needed money for her exorcism.  
9. Jessica will get a puppy and name him 'Cucumber'.  
10. Eric develops a fascination for shiny objects that leads him into peril (ominous music plays in the background).  
11. Pam learns how to whittle.  
12. Terry gets his own television show, where he 'talks about today's issues'.

13. The tooth fairy turns out to be real, except instead of teeth she collects SOULS. Bwhahahahahaha!

14. Hoyt inherits a Laundromat from a recently deceased Great Uncle, who turns out to have become a vampire, and looks for revenge against Hoyt, because he feels Hoyt stole his business.  
15. Maryann grows a mustache... or is it really her evil twin?  
16. Chow collects the bones of his victims and sells them on eBay.  
17. The pig is dressed up in a tuxedo, and it is adorable.  
18. The gay, blood drinking senator poses nude on the cover of 'Playgirl' magazine for a Twinkie after taking a large amount of XTC.

19. Jason, after sprouting a third limb and joining the circus will meet a grounded female companion and have lot and lots of half-borderline mentally handicapped children. He will realize that his temporary involvement in the Fellowship of the Sun was wrong, and will get out before doing anything drastic.  
20. Jessica's puppy 'Cucumber' after her unfortunate demise will eat its own paw, as some weird, demented way of grieving.  
21. Bill the greedy vampire leprechaun will re-encounter his sire Lorena, and she will have baked him cookies (which he can eat, because not only is he a vampire, he's also a leprechaun, and leprechauns enjoy cookies and booze), and wishes him nothing but the best for him and his bald, lisp stricken love interest Sookie.  
22. I will be signed on as a writer for the second season, as I have a realistic outlook on the show's future and everyone else up for the job mysteriously died.  
23. After dancing naked in the woods with werewolf-lover Sam, Andy will quit his job, and move to that nudist colony in Texas permanently, never to be heard from again, except the occasional, disturbing Christmas cards he sends to Bon Temps residents.  
24. After the success of Terry's television show, he and Arlene get married. It is only then he realizes that Arlene is secretly a man, and that is really her children's father, not mother, and the reason she married him is so she could afford to go all out on her sex change operation.

25. In one episode all the True Blood characters will be transported to a parallel Disney-esque animated universe, where they sing about their problems accompanied by an invisible orchestra.  
26. Vern Troyer will sign on to fill the much needed role of a height challenged vampire, and will become enraged when characters confuse him for the greedy height challenged vampire leprechaun known as 'Bill'.  
27. The mustachioed Maryann (Is it really Maryann? Is it in fact her twin? Yet to be revealed…) will be seduced into pursuing vigilante justice.  
28. After the Fellowship of the Sun devours the chicken-like vampire meat they all turn into vampire-human hybrids that have absolutely no qualities of vampires whatsoever, yet they see themselves as abominations and they commit mass suicide.  
29. Hoyt is saved from his Great Uncle's wrath by a magic flying carpet who knows karate, the two become great friends, and the magic flying carpet always beats him at checkers.  
30. Chow uses the money he makes from selling the bones of his victims on eBay to further his quest of teaching children without rhythm to dance.

31. A small group of Canadian vampires stage an attack against the Queen of Louisiana, they are of course deported... to Mexico.  
32. After learning how to whittle Pam becomes a famous singer, with sexy music videos and a sold out concert.  
33. Eddie takes an escalator to Heaven, but it breaks, and now he is stuck in the mall between life and death, forced to roam in between the Foot Locker and Build-A-Bear.  
34. A new synthetic blood company threatens to overshadow the success of 'Tru Blood', entitled 'Even More Tru-er Blood'.

35. Amy's corpse will be dumped in the woods by her request to become 'one with nature' but her body is discovered by Lafayette's replacement (remember he is in Scotland with the Loch Ness monster) and seeing as this replacement is an entrepreneur and quite a creative gentleman, he takes her to Merlotte's, chops her up and serves her in the new 'Mystery Stew' which may or may not contain AIDS. Bits of Long Shadow will be added as well.  
36. Eric Northman will replace Bob in new 'Enzyte' commercials, despite the fact that he is already well equipped, and the drug has no affect whatsoever on the undead.  
37. It was indeed Lettie Mae's foot we saw in the car, and she is not dead, but rather passed out from an intense sex session with the banker whom she married.  
38. After Arlene's successful sex change operation, she and Terry adopt an Asian toddler who is really a seven thousand year old demigod that goes by the name of 'Ralph', he will be somehow significant at a later date.

**Note:** I posted this on IMDB prior to posting it here; this is not intended to be serious in any way, shape or form. I have no inside knowledge about Season 2 or True Blood, nor will I be signed on as a writer. Any similarities between this list on the show is purely coincidental… and highly unlikely.


End file.
